Anything else's hidden from me?

Why? Why has that happened? I want to erase that shit out of my head and forget everything about it and feel like nothing has happened.

I hate doing this but I am on the way making some huge decisions about my life and the more I try to make things clear around myself to make sure I will not make any stupid decision at this time as it's soo important to me, the more I think of what has happened.

A krazillion questions killing me at once and my head is exploding with thinkings and feelings.

What should I do? What's real? And what's not? Should I give up or keep going? If I give up, would I regret later that I sent my own real happiness away? Or if I keep going, would I get hurt later with the more lies and the more pains?

What's the best for me now? What else is hiding from me? Anything else that I should know before I make any decision?

There's nothing I can do and no one I can talk to but myself about things going around this. Is there someone out there can help me here? Can anyone out there can clean all the clouds in my eyes and help me see the best way I should go?

Am I crazy or stupid or just doing the right thing?

What's next for me? Big smiles or bitter tears?

I need help more than ever but at the same time, I want to do it by myself like I have always done so far.